Or nearly years end. And, at this time of year, as all entre’s, I’m deep into writing this years main piece of total friggin’ fiction: the years ‘accounts’! Oh! sheets of paper everywhere (No, it’s all done on a PC spreadsheet – and it’s factually spot on!) and a barrage of calculations for tax demands…gawd! this lot’ll take an AGE to sort! (No. How long does it take to write four noughts?)
Anyway, at times like this, when I’m suddenly starving hungry and get up at an ungodly 5.30 a.m. to get food, often thoughts turn to….
Egypt yes. I sit here eating boiled eggs and toast; drinking coffee and suddenly I’m there…me donkey-pass shoved carefully into me loincloth, as I stroll the noisy, dusty, rubble-strewn walkways between dirty great slabs of rock.
They too had MASSIVE unemployment problems – but their Pharoah’s solved them.
The word ‘Pharoah’, by the way, wasn’t actually written like that; ancient Egyptians did not bother with vowels (labour-saving guys!!); archaeologists just found ancient texts with a few consonants on them – like the letters Carol Vorderman used to put up on Countdown. In Egypt the consonants they found were: R….S.. and an OWL pictogram – which would be pronounced, something like…aRSowl…So the archaeologists said, “Ah! That’s the term for a ruler…and in our language it would be P…R…H…or we could say…’Pharoah’ “.
(It actually translates as ‘politician’…but why, archaeologists reasoned, bite the friggin’ hand…)
The Egyptian Pharoah’s solved their massive unemployment problems with….pyramids. The bigger the pyramid – the more unemployment a particular ars…er, Pharoah had, and, at the same time; the bigger the pyramid he could build! So, as today, a few MILLION folk sat about
doing sod all was in a way good news for Pharoahs as labour was at rock-bottom prices! Literally! So, in exchange for a corn-loaf the unemployed would make mud-bricks, (same mould as the corn-loaves, labour-saving again!) which were used to build ramps and thingies so that masons could haul big stones up and down pyramids.
(They used the same mould until Aketataf Dadope (thick as two yanks) built a bread ramp by mistake – but, even stale, it couldn’t take the weight of three hundred five-ton slabs…and, as the slabs slid down the bread ramp at Mach 4 the resulting friction was, archaeologists agree, illuminating for the Egyptian inventors, so far unsuccessfully trying to invent toast.)
Strangely the hieroglyph for ‘Pyramid’ seems to have been five interlocked rings…but, of course, the scribes could have just been playing sarcastic games.
Archaeologists suss all this out but ever fail imo, to say why such buildings were always erected near a river. Perhaps it was just that Egyptian roads were, due to sledge traffic (loadsa snow there too!) full of pot-holes and nigh on UNUSABLE! So the workforce either stayed at home playing with their abacaii, or roughed-it and travelled by public reed-boat to work.
Mmmm…conditions must have been tough in those times eh? The pyramids are massive. Mind you, have you seen the size of a Pharoah?
Here’s one they dug up:
Now don’t start laughing about all this. All it takes is for them to find a pyramid building-block with A, B, C, on it’s sides and it solves everything!