Monthly Archives: October 2011

Monday stuff.

Tomorrow will be November; the very month in which I actually retire. Upon that date (well, pensions are in arrears so it’ll be after it) my ‘income’ drops to its lowest level for over thirty years – I’ve already ‘lost’ the car – you could fit my clothes wardrobe in a Charity Bag (from whence they came!) and I use a borrowed chair at the computer. My Private Pension, decimated govern-mentally several times and hacked to bits by a final and punitive touch of Income Taxation, bought food for a while but little else…except more paperwork and form-filling than the whole of the EU bail-out offices over the past ten years. Over those ten long and dismal years business ‘levels’, for traders in the UK, have not just fallen of a cliff (to use graph-speak), but fanned perhaps by a tax-inducing wind-turbine, have rolled to a nearby dis-used coal-mine shaft and fell in. Work, in GB, is hardly viable and retirement looms as a large wad of, coloquially, ‘Boracic Lint’. (Northern coloquially: skint!)
Amid all this and more (I won’t even start on debt-levels, energy bills and house values!) my daughter ‘phoned last night to ask, “D’you wanna go out on yer birthday to celebrate?”
As the Northern world clamours to buy, at auction, the last sensible mode of personal transport – The Steam Bike – (pictured) the BBC inform us that in order to get ‘superfast’ broadband nationwide by 2014 (well, about two-thirds of nationwide – you know – London and erm, London) they’ll be recruiting over 500 ex-armed forces engineers to help.
Meanwhile, as internet porn reaches astounding levels (?), The Church of England (no less) via its Investment Committee (?) says it will withdraw its funding to Internet Service Providers (ISP’s) rather than watch this depravity… ( :)) continue.
So, it appears, by the time the BBC gets its broadband act together the friggin’ Internet will have gone… 🙂
But at least we see the real reason, perhaps, for the BBC obsession with superfast broadband! And I thought they liked their own programmes! Silly moi!

Sunday funday?

Well, they’re having a laff in Germany where some sweeper-up or other has apparently found a swift £48 billion in some dusty old bank vault or other…ooops! It’s gone! It was just enough for a bail-out somewhere else in the EU debt-pile! Ah well, easy come…
Mmm…apparently The Post Office is pulling a slow one by shoving Saturday First Class stuff in with the Second Class stuff.
I’ll notify my Ebay Sales Despatch Department forthwith. Might as well just send the lot by Second Class eh? Talk about false economy…
That nice Bishop of London has had a word with the encamped anti-everything folk and told them that he does sympathise with their views on capitalistic greed and money-making. What he actually meant was, ‘Bugger orf then we can start charging entrance-fees for St Pauls again.’ Well, they’re all at it. That nice Mr. Mandleson’s flogging more houses than Rightmove at the moment…and in London – so he’s not anti-capitalist is he?
Of course the really sad news this past few days has been the death of Sir Jimmy Savile.
In the sixties and seventies Jimmy made it big as he was not just the DJ you listened to, but the one you went to see. Belle Vue (Manchester) disco nites were a sell-out when he was there and he brought Top of The Pops to long-lasting life.
Not to mention £millions raised for charities. A great Northern character – time for a cigar (well, a pipe) guys and gals, out of sheer respect.
RIP Sir Jim.

Saturday stuff?

It’s funny isn’t it, how some people don’t seem to actually learn anything.
Many years ago, when I worked shifts in a local paper-mill, and I was then told that China was flogging paper (A4!) cheaper than we could buy friggin pulp, I thought: mmm, there’s summat up ‘ere!
Shortly before the mill closed (well, what do you expect!) I remember some bloke called Calaghan going to the IMF to borrow a few million to keep the country fed.
Nowadays, because no one then learned anything from that fiasco, except that money could be borrowed, even the IMF is skint, so guess where they’ve got to go now to get a mega-bail-out?
I do bikes here. In case you hadn’t noticed. Now and then I nick a pic off the ‘net to illustrate a nice bike or two. I also like to blog a bit about some quirky ‘news’ stories – the humourous side of things.
So, when some ‘news’ occurs whereby I can combine the two concepts, I’m as happy as a banker in bonus!
Having said that – Good luck Johnny! Your singing skills are, it seems, open to scrutiny, but your long-term acting ability deserves, and is apparently, about to get, serious recognition!
(Johnny won’t mind. After years in the doldrums he won’t give a bonus!)
Talking of ‘long-term’; I might just nip to the travel-agents to buy a few Euros. I want the actual coins.
In a few (hundred?) years, on some future televised Antiques Bicycle-Lane Show they might actually be worth something – to my great grand-children. You know, as ‘Curios’.

Thursday fun stuff…

It looks like the gang at the EU have cobbled something together to keep things going a bit longer. But you can only ‘take one and spend two’ for so long, so all this’ll come around again in a few weeks.
Mind you, that nice Mr. Clegg’s wife looked pleased.
Meanwhile poor old Vince Cable is lambasted for skimping on his vat returns again. Apparently he earns money from books – I didn’t know that. You know, had he put the words ‘How To -‘ as a prefix to his book titles, they’d have been ‘Educational’ and exempt from vat. Apparently he didn’t know that!
Of course the really big news at the moment is that there are now 7,000,000,000 mouthes to friggin’well feed!
And some of ’em are really hungry – they’ve been outside St Pauls for a week – well, on the day-shift at any rate.

Wednesday fun!!!

Yep a fairly sunny Wednesday too here in the Northern wastes where a bit of humour is more or less all we’ve got left in today’s eco-climate.
It must be embarrassing for the anti-everythings as their night-time ‘sleeping-arrangements’ are exposed by thermal cameras in the Mail.
You don’t really think they actually ‘camped-out’ do you? With the price of rents and mortgages in that area! Folk at the Cathedral are going spare too – what started as a good advert is now costing ’em big-time. Alleluia! Mmm…tut-tut this capitalism!
Mind you, these folk aren’t the only ones who’re not where they should be…look at the EU photo! And here’s me sat on a bloody PC cabinet with a cushion! Mmmm…tut-tut this bloody capitalism! 🙂
Almost on cue, in the Mail, that nice Mr. Cameron suggests that ‘lazy workers should be sacked immediately!’
He might have a point eh?
And that nice Mr. Cable has a £25,000.00p VAT bill – what the hell does he sell? I gotta get in on that little sca…scheme. The fine’s a bummer though isn’t it Vince? All that hard work flogging summat and the bloody profit goes down the pan in friggin’ bail-outs! 🙁 Fancy a deck-chair instead? The beach is nice at Lytham – just watch-out for the cocklers…

Tuesday fun?

Years ago I had to get to grips with the technicalities of brakes on bikes – they were tricky, troublesome things that had brake-blocks.
After a while I sussed them out – they were then mainly called ‘side-pulls’ but something more ‘modern’ came out called ‘centre-pulls’ that I then had to delve.
I got the hang of them and yikes! Out came V-Brakes and I was at square one again. Then they started using Disc Brakes (that’s disc brakes Mail not disk brakes!)
And then they changed from cables to hydraulics and I went back to old Raleighs in sheer bewilderment.
Well, now they’ve come up with a wireless brake which works – most of the time.
Meself I like to get into things that make bikes go not stop and right now some kind of centrifuge – inside a wheel – is bugging me. I mean, how brill a bike that you don’t need to pedal…now, at the beeb Global-Warming ‘site (and it is warming they now say) that young ‘science’ bloke off the telly says that ‘Quantum Physics is easy…’…so I’ll have a read into that and see if a non-pedalling bike is feasible….mmmm, oh the £unding possibilities…
Also at the beeb ‘site is Part Two of Alice Roberts saga of our (human) evolution. The shots of her striding through the Savanna grasses of remote Africa, with the sun just catching her hai…erm sorry! Well, where was I? Oh yes, Part Two…
This was ok as far as evolution goes but for me the really interesting bit was that brilliant tribe of folk in Africa that literally still live as ‘Hunter-Gatherers’.
These canny folk all get up of a morning and the men go out – to walk miles – in a solitary quest for some meat – a gazelle or a zebra – which they carry or drag back to the camp through the tundra that swarms with hungry-lion-packs.
The women all go out together to find vegetable foods – berries and root tubers – which can and are eaten raw or, later cooked.
Hard work eh? But notice that they all get-up and go…
If you don’t put in the ‘hard-work’ with these guys then you don’t eat.
Strangely, despite the ‘hardships’, all of these folk look extremely healthy, happy and wise.
Truly sapient, Sapiens perhaps?
And not a welfare state, or an anti-everything protest, in sight…

Monday funday?

It all seems to be about St. Pauls or the EU today. On the EU front The Mail actually puts a graph up showing that, over the years we’ve been in it, we’ve never ever taken out, in any one year, more than we’ve put in.
Mind you if taking out more than you put in were the idea we’d simply call the EU ‘A Business’.
Then again a few little knowledgeable tweaks and it could be – a different Europe then eh?
Sadly, St. Pauls is closed for business – good gawd the High-Street’s taking a bashing lately!
But Victoria Beckham seems to be flourishing. I wonder where her shop is?
Talking of shops…for some reason every time Manchester United lose me rent goes up! Strange that isn’t it?
Gawd knows what’ll happen this week! (GULP!)
And, even food sales are kept well down – me mate on the Markets says his bog-roll sales are really scraping the bottom lately.

Sunday stuff.

Yes, Sunday I know, but while I’ve got the only suitable chair in the place I’m making hay!
I felt really bad last week about being a ‘Bedroom-Blocker’, you know, an old wrinkly with a big house with half of its bedrooms just gathering dust for the past ten years.
Well, I don’t feel so bad now as the parents of the funded (yet private??) Think-Tanker that mentioned the whole concept, live in a five-bedroomed pile darn sarf, on their own! 🙂
Seeing as it’s Sunday I’ve put a pic or two of our Church here.
And Debenhams, that big store company, must have been having a read here last week as they’re bringing-out their new online sales catalogue next week – the advert was in the Mail this morning. So perhaps I should staple a few sheets of A4 together, with J-pegs of old screws on them…? Mmmm…mind you, printer ink’s not cheap…I’ll skip on that one and see how Debenhams get on first.
Mmm…a nice Roady…it might even be a Fixie…

Saturday fun?

I can’t find much to LOL about really today – that nice Mr. Cameron is orf to ‘save the world currency’ or something, he’s got five days to do it apparently or I suppose we’re in for armaggeddon?? Again…Mmmm…surely there’s more than a touch of dejavu in politicians ‘saving the world’ if I remember rightly…
Stephanie the beeb economist has finally got the message as she says ‘…we’re stumbling from one crisis to the next…’ or something like that. Mmm…these folk catch-up…eventually…
But then I’ve been reading about the new Megabus service from London to Glasgow that has beds for the passengers! It sounds okay – if you must go to London or Glasgow. Where is that bloody bus-pass…?
Well, I’ve done a bit more Online Mail-Order stuff and things are coming-on nicely. I can’t really go out lately as being a Toy-Stall Market-Trader I have to steer-clear of all these Anti-Catapultist Demonstrations!

Friday fun again!

Yep, it’s Friday again and as thoughts turn to a weekend of sunny leisure, I again dream of me barge on a canal somewhere local…then I saw this photo…and thought – stuff the friggin’ barge!
I mean, all that tilling and lock tinkering – far too much like hard work!
Talking of ‘hard work’; in The Mail there’s a bit about all the junk-mail we now get – yes, some website owner has done a study of junk-mail. Apparently he analysed one month’s junk-mail from ‘Which’ magazine readers and concluded that we get about 450 bits of junk-mail each every year! The article goes on to show you how to cut your share.
Meself I’ve always liked junk-mail, I mean, no one else writes to me so it does give the letter-box flap a work-out. And, what’s better than the actual thing, for a Mail-Order bod to really study, that costs nowt and is delivered free?
Mind you, all that might change if the Royal Mail is allowed to charge what it likes to post a letter.
But, as only one (retail) pound in ten is spent online, so far, the possibility of pulling-in the other nine is bound to have a realistic cost to it. Pull-in just one more of them and I’m on the canal in me Vitesse!!