Monthly Archives: November 2011

Wednesday woes…

Oh dearie me. Yesterday was some kind of Budget day thingy when one of those govern-mental up taxes. Whatever is said and done the end result is to up taxes.
The real, single problem faced by those govern-mental is: Identifying problems.
They simply have never, ever done that – in the history of things govern-mental.
And that nice Mr. Osborne didn’t do it yesterday.
But, I’ve ‘retired’, or, more trendily today, ‘gone on strike’. So no freebie solutions here old chucks.
Some entrepreneurial guy pulled a bundle on E-bay and they’ve shut him down and jailed him for evading VAT. He worked alone and from home with just a computer…sheer genius! He made umpteen sales…millionaire…
So go to jail. Do not pass go…
There’s a leetle point here to be wary of as well. Operating from home (a domestic property) fully, as this lad did, you are also not paying property ‘Business-Rates’. Hey, that’s fine, you can claim a bit of ‘Home’ for tax-deductible ‘Office Space’ quite legally.
But just watch-out for ‘Business Rates’ being imposed on your house if things take-off and the whole business operates from there. Business Rates are Inflation Related, not only do they cost but next year will rise by a whopping 5% plus to kill-off more high-street shops.
So the chaos continues.
Strike today.

Tuesday trifles…

Mmm, I felt me age a bit earlier when reading of the £79billion govern-mental borrowing requirement for next year (double the earlier guesstimates) but then I read that Harrison Ford will do another Indiana Jones film. He’ll be 70 when it kicks-off! Well, after doing all of the previous films he’s probably ironed all the wrinkles out of it!
Mind you, it looks like next September will see pensioners with a few groats more as a result of inflation. And Harrison will pocket a nice bank-full for getting his whip out again. I don’t mind the Indiana Jones films though, I seem to be developing an affinity with old relics…
The Speaker, in the House of Commons, has had a Coat of Arms made for him. It features what looks like a set of ladders…wood-carvers like a giggle it seems.

Monday mayhem?

Monday again and those govern-mental ponder whether to slash taxes or increase ’em.
I’m not really bothered now as I’ve started to clear the back bedroom of all things ‘Mail-Order’.
I’ll just be writing poetry from now on.
Thomas Cook have asked if they can rent me bedroom when they’ve closed a couple of hundred shops. Website designers are already moving their chairs in…
Their advertising firm did well, it was in all of the papers!
Strangely, I had a job application from a young lady called Middlethwicke, or Muddleton or something like that. She said she’d a lot of Mail-Order experience; had worked at the trade from the bottom up. Sorry chuck. Pipped by retirement eh?
As some councils tell folk that there’s no cash for a bit of urban tinsel and tat this Christmas, £300 million goes out in aid to some Global Warming fiasco/cause!
It’s all bloody humbug and no mistake!
They could have give us a groat or two extra pension and a few florins on the heating allowance… (wrings fingerless-gloved hands, warms them by one-barred, wall-mounted, 1939 electric-fire…oh, it’s purgatory!)
Anyway, enough of this political stuff, I don’t want to end up like Guido (nice one chuck! There’ll be so many clicks today you’ll think you’re talkin’ dolphin!) so I’ll get into poetry – well, you never see a poor one do you? Well, they might look poor…

Saturday smiles?

They’re warning cyclists to get insurance at the beeb. It’s not a bad idea though and it covers the bike should it get pinched.
But then things like ‘Road Tax’ and MOT’s seem to creep in. Before you know it, a car is cheaper!
I’m being carefull about booking a holiday abroad though. Well, you never know! The bigger they are…
And NASA is getting ready for the Mars trip. Are they looking for oil I ask meself. There’s no oil on Mars but it might be made of chocolate…

Friday funtime!

Yep, Friday and that nice Mr. Clegg kick’s-off the fun by announcing a £1,000,000,000.00p plan to introduce ‘subsidised’ jobs, mainly for the million of unemployed 18 to 24 year-olds.
I wouldn’t mind some of that meself – get paid wages and the dole! Mind you, who’ll be able to provide subsidised jobs after being stung for a £billion to pay for ’em? DOH!!!!
That nice Sir Phillip Green is to close 250 shops, shrink his business. I wonder if those govern-mental will heed this advice?
Watch out for the websites!
Deck-chair sales still rocket. Many orders from 17,500 ex- Nokia employees… and here’s me thinking the deck-chair business was folding…
I think me first Old Age Pension payment has now gone into bank.
So far I’ve had at least a ream of pulped-tree letters, booklets and envelopes telling me about it. No wonder the actual payment is just match-money!
And I might have to give it ’em back yet, it’s taxable. So, sorry, no jobs here for the NEETS! Can’t afford to do!
I’ve shifted all me ads from this site too. Get the idea Sir Phillip? Keep reading the newsletter old chuck – think Dale Farm not Mayfair and don’t go Taiwan for deck-chairs, go to Grimely, Yorkshire. They don’t notice all that saw-dust there and we need all the industrial based global warming we can get – it helps sell the bloody chairs! (Oh, he’s hard work poor lad!)
For a quickie punt gold’s in a dip, for long-term a few Euros, as curios, might do well for grandchildren – similar to antique Monopoly money…

Thursday thrift!

I’m a bit late again today as the scrap-man called and I off-loaded a shedload of old bike bits. A small remuneration was made.
On the fun side of things apparently a coffee plant has created about three hundred jobs. Folk in Derbishire, refusing to be ground down by unemployment, are full of beans over the news. I’ll be watching me spud plants more carefully next year!

Wednesday welcome…

Foggy again! But a little clarity is always here! At the BBC site someone asks, ‘Why are so many Britons quitting Australia?’
Gawd, haven’t you watched Neighbours?
And the price of pipe-lighter fuel is now £1.20 a friggin’ can! But if pipe-smokers stopped the deficit would rise by 84%!
I should worry – entrepreneurs at Austrian ski-resorts haven’t seen snow for yonks! Global warmin’ eh? Plays havoc doesn’t it? (deck-chairs…deck-chairs…deck-chairs…got it?) Good grief, here, in the north you can ski on the frost never mind the snow!
A reader, normally surgically conjoined to the ‘net or Manchester United matches on TV, has finally been out. Intrigued he discovered Littleborough and was astounded to find that all land isn’t flat!
And the pub he found was where an aunt had her fortieth. (He probably had his laptop with him…)
The good news is that The Marquis of Bath has got a new, younger, wife. She’s from New Zealand. Strewth, it must be as bad as bloody Australia!
Scholars are now sure that The Dead Sea Scrolls were written by a ‘Mysterious Sect’.
They had bloggers, big deal.
The scrolls were discovered at Qumran, Israel.

Tuesday trifles…

It’s foggy again here so a few planes might be grounded again. Mind you, there’s always a Boris-Bike whatever the weather – especially if you’re vocationally embarrassed at the moment.
That nice Mr. Cameron says that getting the deficit down is harder than he fort…well, stop adding to it chuck, it’ll go down – every Bob or two will help…if you ask nicely and cut that ball of red-ribbons to size!
Meanwhile a really good photograph has been sent in by a reader. (In itself a rarity!)
It is of a scene slowly eroding as the winds of time scour it relentless. Soon, all that may be left is something to sell cheap to that nice Mr. Branson…
Locally, well, in Rochdale, Macdonalds is finally set to close.
Watch-out for the website!
It can happen to any of us! Well, I thought me first pension-payment was last Friday. It isn’t. Me pension starts on Friday. So I’ve got nowt yet. In fact, by now, I’ve probably got…
A Deficit!!!
Yikes, trendy at last!

Monday mayhem?

That’s Kurt and Goldie, in the clear air of Los Angeles, having a ride on their bikes. Meanwhile, in good old GB, you need a smog-mask!
Yes, the fog, all over GB, has even grounded planes at Heathrow. Govern-mental folk will be wondering what has caused it…
Could it be coal-fires?
No, they were banned years ago – it’s got colder as a result.
Could it be industry?
No, there isn’t any. We banned some of it, the rest just faded away.
Could it be cars?
No. Most of ’em nowadays have no emmisions…(yeah, right!)
What could it be?
Maybe Harry Potter isn’t fiction?
Close enough, we’ll go with that!
Ban Harry Potter!!!!!
Actually the fog is caused by buses.
The good news is that folk govern-mental are going to build some ‘Affordable Housing’. They’ll tax a few bankers out of existence, knock-up a shedload of wattle and daube ‘houses’ and, while a normal unaffordable ( 🙂 ) house is say £100,000 they’ll offload the new ones – with a cut-price deposit (or none at all)- to every possible homeless person for say £50,000.00p.
Great eh? The gratefull homeless get in one of these, flog it (still cheap for £75,000.00p) get a nice used BMW and rent a flat.
Bankers take-up knitting. Well, usually that doesn’t burn your fingers.
All the builders go back on the dole (till the next scheme).
And the tax-payers sit around wondering where all the money, and jobs, went.
It’s Northern Rock, with Leggo.
Mmm, a nice Roady there Sarah. Pity about the non-yeilding ISA!
Inner-Tubes, carefully inflated, offer a far better return.

Sunday sermon…

It’s been reported that posters from another website are nipping here for a read. If they should call…
Mornin’ all!
Good grief! The Mail has it that we’ll punt £13 billion on Christmas, for online sales! Mmmm…I think I’ll clear-off down the High Street for a bit of peace and quiet this Yule!
But what do folk expect?
Rents, rates, power and insurance on physical shops are sky-high, so a shedload of stock, mailed from a bedroom, costs far less to off-load – and you might just pull a pound or two on top!
It’s all very well for well-heeled folk out there with their trendy lap-tops.
Here’s what I have to contend with.
It was built in 1951 to do ‘sums’ for a shop. Apparently it worked very well running on Archers-Slit (Wattle and Daube Edition) with Thatch Office and Wode-Shop Pro!
Strangely, while in a computing mode, some MP’s are whingeing that IT firms are ‘ripping the government off’ with their prices.
Well, it makes a change doesn’t it? You’ve got to cover the damned tax overheads!
Hang on, I’ll just put a Paypal tag on that old computer picture!
But it’s Sunday and really this blog should feature more religious subjects.
Gold’s up a bit!
Interestingly archaeologists have discovered a fourth wartime escape tunnel leading into Poland.
Sadly gardeners around here, burying a bit of compost, have discovered hundreds of ’em coming from Poland!
Scientific archeologists studying the 1.9 million-year-old bones of Australopithecus Sediba say there’s a bit of skin still on them.
It tends to support the theory that contemporary Sabre-Toothed cats, or other hominids, at meal-times, were picky.
Should, they say, a clove of garlic be found within an eye-socket or tooth-cavity, it would really season the debate!
Vegetarian archaeologists declined to comment as it might pour salt on the wounds of what was a bone of contention.
Mmmm…I wish I could afford a bike like that!