Monthly Archives: November 2011

Saturday smile?

There’s not much about today to write home about – some bigwig to do with ‘Climate-Change’ has bought a second-home with a ‘Carbon-Footprint’ as big as Britain! Mind you, if you actually read the story the ‘home’ is for business and will employ quite a few people within its locale!
A new Queen Elizabeth Engineering Prize (£1,000,000.00p bi-annually) has been announced – mmmm, I’d better polish a few reconditioned bikes up – you never know! I mean, without a gallon or two of ‘liquid-gold’ or old chip-fat, the most supremely engineered car is scrap-heap fodder! Mind you reconditioning a bike isn’t that technical – it’s hooking ’em out of the canal where the problems lie!
And, despite what you read about Britain’s finances, over £26,000,000.00p was raised by Children in Need! Lady Gaga was brill!
On a more worrying note; about two million council houses may be sold under The Right to Buy Scheme – gawd, I hope mine isn’t one of ’em – after ten years I’ve finally got me Internet connection working about half-right; getting next-doors broadband password was a nightmare!

Friday fun!

There are quite a few funny goings-on today so far…
In a desperate attempt to ‘escape’ paying punitive EU ‘fines’ for polluting the planet (London) Boris The Mayor is spraying a few London streets with ‘chemicals’ that make toxic ‘particulates’ (bits in Northern) adhere to the road surfaces in order to clean the air. Some of the bits are tiny rubber parts of tyres.
At the same time the concepts of: ‘stuck in traffic’ and, ‘put a spring into your step’ take-on new meaning.
Folk that work at ‘ERNIE’; the number-generator for Premium Bonds, say there’s £40,000,000.00p of unclaimed cash in the office safe!
Rumour pervades that Sir Richard Branson has offered £20,000,000.00p for it!
Mind you, Northern Rock was in a pickle wasn’t it?
Yesterday I featured a video of Sir Cliff Richard. Today here’s a picture of a Shadow by a local beauty-spot.
One of the swans in the pic is a youngster.
There is too, today, a lot of talk about the world’s food-production – you know, it’s increasingly not enough.
But the general problem with ‘food’ is that 95% of it is eaten by folk that produce nothing and the ones that do can’t afford it!
I mean, they probably eat well at Brussels!
And, ‘Eat what you grow’ has always been a sound dictate. At present we’re growing quite a bit over here but then they give it away! Frustratin’ eh?
And, on the day that the EU tell us that we can’t state that water will cure bodily dehydration, John Cridland the Director-General of The CBI says, ‘Only Business creates growth and jobs but confidence to invest is evaporating.’
Is it, John, any wonder when we read what sprouts from Brussels?

Thursday things…

I’ve not really looked at the stories yet but yesterday I read that some tin-pot radio-station or other had ‘banned’ Cliff Richard (ooops! sorry Sir Cliff…) records.
They say he’s ‘not cool’. Well, Wagner isn’t cool either and his downloads giv’ yer headache too!
Meanwhile in Italy the new ‘government’ is (apparently) made-up of “pipe-smoking, tweed-wearing “, brainiacs who aren’t too bothered about trifles like …votes.
Mind you, with a public debt nearly as big as ours, who the hell cares…about ‘cool’?
Now having a bike that is rideable I thought I’d do a David Attenborough and go out, on me bike, around the local tracks and canal paths. The link, top-right ‘Rides’ is all about it with a few photographs.
I didn’t go too far today as really it was a bike-test, but all was ok so I’ll be off out again as time allows.

Wednesday workhunt?

Oh good grief!
On the beeb website there are several ‘videos’ of folk trying to get jobs. One says, ‘Jobseekers Allowance isn’t enough to live on…’ another has a degree in something social (it’s only valid in the public-sector sunshine!) and others go on about not getting job replies etc.
‘Reality’, when it arrives, is quite a rude-awakening eh?
Mmmm…In Wales they’ve ear-marked £55 million for a couple of ‘Loan-Funds’ to prop-up local small-businesses (that simply can’t hack-it) for a bit – unemployment there is a govern-mental disgrace – they say it might give 5,000 folk a job…mmm…it’s the equivalent of a day and a half’s EU membership fee, so think of how many jobs aren’t being created.
A British Lung Federation doctor (funded) suggested (after he did tests…?) that all smoking in cars should be banned. The British Medical Association (funded) said that present banning-levels should be extended. The All Party Parliamentary Group on Smoking and Health (funded) said, ‘…an immediate ban could be counter-productive as consensus needs to be built-up across society before taking such a step…’ In other words it’ll inflame too many folk! Mind you, if ‘lungs’ are being ‘protected’ why not ban cars? And, far better, busses?
But, good heavens, all these mouthes to feed!!! Boy do I need a fag!
At last me bike is on the road and fully working. The gears, brakes, bearings all now work fine and a tube has been fitted to rear tyre. After a good clean-up the old Apollo (about ten years old!) looks and rides as new.
It will be perfect for a ride around the local country-paths to the canals and river and, if owning and storing a bike is a problem for local folk, a daily-hire may be possible subject to deposit.
Meanwhile, potential bike-buyers, the Apollo Roady, now fully reconditioned, is just £155.00p.

Tuesday trifles?

Oh, it’s all go here now! That nice Warren Buffet has punted $10.7 billion into IBM shares – heavens, I was panicking buying a pair of old bike wheels this morning for a fiver!
Anyway, at least me old Apollo weighaton roady is rideable! I’ve still got the wheels – all I needed was an inner tube – so ebay is on the cards…
Aww…Wealthier Pensioners are being asked to donate their winter Heating Allowance Payments to poorer Pensioners – I am on Paypal if you wanna send yours here! Thanks!
And they’re getting the missiles ready to protect folk at next years Olympic Games events.
Plus, umpteen American security bods will be arriving they expect…(so long as they go back afterwards!)
Strangely, if you look at pictures of the Games Arena from high-up, it does resemble a big bullseye!
Scottish tourism pre-bookings are off the scale for the Olympic weeks!
In Gloucester some old bones in the museum that were thought to be 6,000 years old have been DNA tested and date from about 1500 to 1750 or so.
Experts are surprised by the results and one comments, ‘The old curators that passed these bones about all smoked big pipes while working. They may have contaminated the samples.’
And I thought smoking aged you!

Monday mayhem?

I’m a bit late this morning as I’ve just been reading a Janet Street-Porter blog about Working From Home. She reckons it’s not as easy as it sounds as you do get sidetracked…
But the really fun stuff is all this tripe about our schools giving kids ‘Financial Lessons’. Several commenters ask, ‘Who the hell will teach them?’ And, today we read that the government may erm…ask…(that’s govern-mental speak for Take From) Pension Fund Holders if it can borrow £50 billion to do a few major projects – you know building stuff to get a few folk off the creaking unemployment registers and onto the (high-speed?) gravy-train.
So kids, here’s your first Lesson:
Locate a lucrative Pension Fund…
Political pundits agree that all parties are in favour…
It’s also Global Entrepreneurship Week (I didn’t know either!) Yep, the week where folk gather to hear guru’s yak about things like Advertising ( 🙂 ) – a guest will be Martha Lane Fox – a very clever lady that kicked-off Lastminute.com while, it seems, being govern-mentally employed as well. Oh, so that’s how you do it! She’ll be a school-teacher next!
Global Entrepreneurship Week is fun…erm sponsored by…
The Royal Bank of Scotland..
Mmm…nuf said eh?
There is a blog at the beeb that has really given me a nasty dilema to decide upon…
Apparently our (the UK) air-quality is so bad – full of toxic chemicals like Nitrogen Dioxide and ‘bits of tyres’- that The Environ-mental Audit Committee reckons it’s costing The NHS up to £20 billion a year to treat folk affected!
Well, normally I sit here in the North-East wing with a window open so that a puff or two of my pipe-smoke can get out…
The problem is: What sort of shite am I letting in?
**The Audit Committee points out that in 1952 about 4,000 Londoners died as a result of the Great London Smog. In 2008 about 4,000 Londoners died, and about 30,000 nationally, as a result of Air Pollution.**
So, despite millions of ‘dirty’ (?) jobs lost and countless funded agencies, costing £ billions, being involved, the accumulated progress equals…
Nil.
A breath of fresh-air here init?
I couldn’t find a bike pic so I put a Roller-Blade pic – sorry to disappoint…

Sunday smiles?

There’s not much to really laff about today (yet) but that nice Mr. Clegg who leads the LibbyDems has, he says, packed-in smoking. So him being tetchy and irritable (in future) might be down to that.
Meself I don’t really like politicians that practice Tax Avoidance.
And personally I’d have forgone the withdrawal symptoms at least until I knew that Phobos-Grunt has actually crash-landed on someone else, or has exploded its twelve tons of highly toxic nitrogen teroxide and hydracine fuel (yep, chip-fat again!) in the high atmosphere!
I mean, there’s smoke and friggin’ smoke! isn’t there!
And a nice Chinese leader has suggested that (debt-ridden) Europeans ‘…should stop languishing on beaches…’ He obviously has a read here and no I won’t. (Again…wait ’till it’s landed!)
Yes, it’s just on fifty years since the first man-powered (pedalled) flight by the SUMPAC was made. To commemorate the event they took the old flying bike from its museum and flew it again recently. It covered about a mile.
Apparently investors from British Airways, Danair, Ryaniar etc. watched with interest. “…pedalling would give passengers good exercise while making cross-Atlantic flights…” said one…
The Ministry of Defence said the ‘plane’ might be ideal for the new range of pedalled sea-going air-craft carriers envisaged as chip-fat-fuel escalates in price.
The Business Secretary, that nice Mr. Cable, says he sympathises with the anti-capitalist protesters encamped at St. Pauls. A few people, Mr Cable says, have benefitted from the economic crisis, while many have suffered because of it.
Like tent-makers perhaps?
And, finally, Jeff Prestridge blogs that, ‘…financial education should be part of the (state) school curriculum…’
Mmm…I thought that the govern-mental approach to all things financial was the cause of the problem!!!

Saturday satire?

There’s a really interesting ‘piece’ at the beeb about the disgraceful raising of cash by folk stealing metal and selling it for scrap – easy money eh?
Today’s blog on the subject features soundbytes by:
The Local Government Association (LGA)
British Transport Police. (BTP)
Coastguards.
Prime Minister. (PM)
War Memorials Trust. (WMT)
Association of Chief Police Constables. (ACPC)
Not to mention the beeb itself. (BBC)
Initially, potential thieves are thus advised of far more lucrative and surely far less difficult options.
(QEfD!)
London Black-Cab owners/drivers are set to up fares by 20% during the London Olympic Games.
Canny London Black-Cab drivers might trundle all routes to Heathrow and/or Gatwick as myriad ordinary Londoners may just opt for a holiday at quiet overseas destinations for the sporting festival. Some really canny London Black-Cab drivers say they’ll be among the foreign holiday-makers!
Olympic tickets are now ‘prizes’ in TV advertised ‘draws’.
Folk mis-sold PPI products who claim the cash back with about 8% interest are finding that the interest element is (of course) taxable – the government is raking in £millions – what did you expect with a public debt of £1.3 trillion? Potty Payment Immunity?

Friday farce?

The government have cut the subsidies to firms and folk ‘investing’ in renewable energy sources – like shoving great slabs of solar-panels on your roof.
To make this even remotely palatable electricity generated thus was valued at and paid for at 43p per killowat/hour. (KWH)
But now, as a few folk are signed-up the govern-mental subsidy is cut giving ‘subscribers’ a meagre 21p per KWH.
Electricity produced and not required and sent into the National Grid is paid for at 3.1p per KWH.
So the CBI have called the whole scheme a WOT. Or in Northern terms a WOFT.
(WOT = Waste of time.)
Deck-chair firms are stocking-up as a result!
The Royal Mail is desperately trying to get into profit by speeding things up and cutting costs. Sadly new machinery for the sorting of mail actually takes longer than when doing it by hand – oops! Boo-boo!
Mind you some staff are saddled with the task of competing with the speed of e-mails and texts…
…mmm…there are Electric Bikes you know…range, oh, about 30 miles at 12 mph…charge ’em up overnight…helmets are a thought too.
Quaint init, Olde England. At one time ‘The Mails’ were delivered by Coach and Horses…
Now perhaps there’s a thought…
Halfords report that despite general profits being down, bike sales, thanks to sensible model changes, are up 10%.
And finally: Cost-cutting folk at the beeb (are there any?) faced with massive taxi-costs for celebrities etc. are probably watching with interest as The One Show’s Matt Baker attempts to ride from Edinburgh to the London BBC Centre – on a rickshaw for, of course, Children In Need.
Good luck Matt!
The planned BBC move from London to Salford should be quite something!

Thursday fun!!!

Mmmm….as that milestone age, when we usually get the permanent ‘Tax-Rebate’ for life, approaches, I have found that the rate at which revenue is forcibly extracted, eases somewhat.
So much so that things even remotely regarded as ‘earners’ suddenly become lovable cash-fountains and the Internet seems to get a nice golden glow about it…
Not that I should let this in any way affect the posts and blogs at this site.
Except for today!!!
But seriously:
Nationwide, it seems, the number and size of Potholes deeply etched into our once smooth (and understandable) road-system, increases alarmingly.
Is it any wonder then that Land-Rover at Solihull are pulled-out with orders?
They’ll be taking-on another 1,000 workers to cope with the demand…
Mmm…is that a turbine? Well, nearly…
Similarly, as the numbers of unemployed and partially unemployed folk ever rise, Ovum, a kind of business-trend consultancy, predict that the Computer Games industry will continue to grow by about 17% per year. It should be worth well over £50 billion in two or three years. Games that are suitable for mobile-phones are particularly popular such as, “Angry Birds”.
Mmm…not that I could do much in that line – it took me four hours to figure-out an adsense banner!
And they’re still too wide!!!